31 March 2014

confession on 19th birthday

 19th birthday look! 
27/03/2014 , my 19th birthday.. I have the same birthday with my brother Nik. We're not twins, simply coincidence. I am so lucky to have him as my brother. Happy Birthday brother, thank you so much for everything! 

A day before my birthday, my awesome college classmates have bought me a birthday cake! They are so good at acting & surprising, didn't expect a cake until the very end of the class. So touching! love you guys. Next year please do not waste money on cake, I would love to get birthday cards

the cake from my BBF - Vicky 
Celebration? On birthday afternoon, my BFF Vicky came to my house secretly with a cake and the most creative handmade birthday card. Then we went to Times Square for BBQ plaza as lunch then movie ( 黑斑吻 ) , a Malaysia local movie, sorry to mention that movie doesn't worth watching, their acting sucks it is probably much worse than those you could find in YouTube. At 6pm we moved to Mid Valley, dinner and movie at 11.30pm ( Project Hashima )  having horror movie at the midnight, the atmosphere is definitely unusual than you watch it at the noon.. scary,scary, scary, terrified! I'm not a person who scares to watch horror movie but when Japanese & Thai the two most undeniable talented horror-movie-making-country collabrate in a ghost movie, you are going to be scared to death. Not forget the Thai actors & actresses are super gorgeously beautiful.


confession - oh my dramatic life! many of my friends noticed that I don't talk about my mother, I used to lie about my mother is dead along my school life. Actually, I didn't know my mother is alive until she showed up when I was 11. Unless you ask about my mother or I won't mention about her. My father used to tell me my mother is dead whenever I asked about her. I am curious, so I went through the photo album then noticed this beautiful fair skin lady had taken so many photos of me in baby trolley, in her arms! I questioned, my father said " it's your Aunty " I didn't believe of course, why the hell an aunty took so many photos of you in her arms, doesn't make sense. One day, I'm shocked when I came back from playing, this so called aunty is sitting in the living room. My daddy still insisted she's my aunty, that night she requested to sleep over with me. She told me about her life and why she dumped me, I didn't pay attention on what she was trying to 'make up'. I couldn't sleep all night. A girl needs a mother, she wasn't here when I needed her. I've been through shits without her around, yet she expected me to forgive. She still phone calls me sometimes, I don't know what to say to her. Previously I was in miserable state, but now I am grown up comfortable to share about this, my mother is a Thai, she lives in Thailand with her married husband and kids. I live with my father and a step brother Nik (happily married with Shirly - sister in law) , I wouldn't say a step brother, although he is but he treats me the best he could, he's been kinda harsh during my early age, but I understand this whole situation isn't easy for him, I really do understand. We don't have much conversations, we started off in a wrong way, in a wrong family I guess. Otherwise we could be really close and free. We are typical Asian family where we don't show our love towards each other openly, but I can feel that you love me always as a sister. I am blessed to be born in this family, we will work things out together! *hope you're reading this*


- birthday wishes -
gets prettier year by year
survive in studies
everyone in the family is healthy & happy


16 January 2014

2014

Hi ! It's 4 a.m. in the morning, all of the sudden I have the mood to blog. I'm sorry for being away, I thought "let's come back to shut this blog down, nobody's gonna read my boring blog" yet I found out there are readers still reading my blog. To be honest, I wasn't lazy to blog, but I have too much going on, too much happening, too much that I don't know where I shall start from.

As it shown, I am a moody girl. I am sensitive, moody and insecure. Whenever I started to type a post, it all turned out to be negative, lifeless post. I need a positive push. So, in this 2014, I'm trying to be more positive, motivated and happy. I am the kind of girl that has million thoughts in the brain.

Lately, I've been feeling very depressed. I shut myself up almost everyday in the house playing online game, watching anime or sleeping, it's like I'm running away from the reality. I pushed away the friends, I kind of shut myself up for the past few months. I am sorry. I'm at the stage of searching myself, learning about the LIFE. I'm feeling lost, empty and pain. 

It's a stage where teenager turning into adult. I will feel better, be better someday, but not now.